Our culture is wrong about blended families and it is time to bring a little justice to the “unblended”. “Blended”, what exactly does that mean? My spouse and I fall in love so obviously we mush our families togetherness everyone ends up happy, right? Wrong! That’s the idea today’s culture portrays anyways. Blending my family doesn’t seem like the best option, you say? How about, “My spouse and I don’t want to blend our families.” Guess what? That is perfectly fine. There is no need to hop on the “blended” bandwagon if you know blended won’t work for your families for whatever reasons. Isn’t that refreshing? We want to tell you why blended doesn’t have to be your story, read on!
If the kids don’t get along, throwing them together into one house is definitely not going to work. It will be less stressful for you, your spouse and the rest of the family to let relationships happen naturally. Put yourself in your child’s shoes… would you be quick to accept what is happening? Your children have gone through a lot already if you went through a divorce or separation of some sort with their father.
If there is a big age difference in children, the frustration will be at an all-time high. Older kids don’t want to deal with younger kids tagging along all the time and younger kids are not going to understand why. This doesn’t mean that you can’t ever “blend” your family, this means that now is not the right time. You should continue to do things together so that relationships can be formed. However, rushing or forcing the rest of the family to catch up to you and your spouse’s emotions right away isn’t going to turn out well. Let it happen naturally and on your families own time, your children will thank you!
The Difference in Parenting:
If the children are young enough where they still need to be taught right from wrong and be disciplined there may be some struggle in your consistent parenting. Be sure to talk with your spouse about what rules are in place and how broken rules are dealt with. Kids won’t understand why they are being punished for one thing and another child isn’t punished. If there is a major difference in parenting, you’ll know that blending everyone together might not be the best option.
Maybe you allow your children to be apart of more than one extracurricular activity and your spouse only allows one… something has to give. There cannot be a double standard with blended families, which is why it’s OK not to blend. If you want to raise your children one way and your spouse wants to raise theirs another that is OK! Remember it is all about raising your family on your own watch, not the watch of society.
Are you starting to understand what we mean? No? Let’s try again… If having a family of 7 or 8 isn’t your dream that’s OK! If being a stepmom isn’t in your job description that’s OK! These are things you will have to discuss with your spouse in order to find some common ground. Whatever your reason is for not wanting to be blended is OK. Don’t let today’s culture make you feel guilty for the way you choose to operate your family. At the end of the day, it is your family and no one knows them better or has their best interest in mind better than you. Our culture is wrong about blended families and we want you to know you and your spouse’s reasons for not blending are enough of a reason not to blend.